nilai sebuah kehidupan yg sukar....


kenape ana tulih post ini...dedikasi khas nur zafirah...insan istimewa...ana bukan insan yg terbaik untuk jadikan teladan...hanya cebisan hidup ana...jgn terlalu bersedih sayang...

NEW LIFE...
study at matriculation is no my first choice....who know...Allah know the best 4 me...having my study there...it change a part of me...having solid daily plan...so packed...even worse compared during schedule in school....4 me as lazy person...it was hard...i had to change...if not...it will be worse 4 my future...


ME....
i'm not clever person...sit at chair for 30 minutes is really hard 4 me...i'm also not a hardworking person...having bad habit...sleeping when lecture...hardly to change....i'm hypocrite too...trying acting good in front of people... in fact i'm just hypcrite....


STRESS...
still not change until mid exam...this is the turning point for me...having very bad pointer...i think i'm the lowest...how hard i cry.....nowbody know...when i perform my prayer....asking Allah to give a strengh to change.....i juz giving reason by reason.....

THAT NIGHT...
maybe thinking so much...i start cry...when everyone sleep...i cry under pillow....cikin awake hearing my tear...cry until subuh...i didn't not sleep....i talk to myself " jannah!!! you have to be strong"...at that time...i'm trying to stop crying...but i can't...taking bath at 4 a.m...sounds crazy...but still crying...perform circumcision payer...taking my abulation....how i cry asking Allah to help me...

In MY MIND....
it sounds stupid...but i'm thinking to suicide....how i feel this life make me suffer...how weak i'm to face this world....how i thing that to stop all this by killing myself....nobody know how much my myself sick....sick with this life...but lucky that...i'm still know that...Allah never accept human that suicide....

THEN....
tomorrow morning my eyes swollen...try to cover it by wearing eyeliner....dizziness...how i'm trying to smile with my fwen...acting like nothing happen...in fact, my heart broken...then i decide...i must do something...after lunch...having earache..taking my medicine at clinic...done with my medicine...without thinking much...my sole walking toward caunselor room...asking advice from someone that i trust....


NOW....
still trying to face this world....sometime i still cry...but...control it...."TEGAS PADA DIRI...KAWAL PERASAAN"....yeah....for small thing i still cry.....but learn how to control it....me is me....how much i suffer only Allah know...maybe people see me smile...but my heart only Allah n me know...how much i struggle to find this strength...but i feel blessed with this life...how much lucky i am compared to other...


~nak minta maaf kat seseorang...kan bgos kalau dia tahu...then kalau jumpa...buat2 cam x penah jadik mende uh~

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nak komen? nak sentap? nak maki? nak puji?
aku tak kisah pon....
theee XD